Being Available

It is really incredible to see God work as we begin our foster care journey. Andy and I pray a lot more these days as we prepare our homes and our hearts to welcome foster children. I taught a Bible study for my work this week, which is not a common experience for me, and I met an amazing couple who have been fostering for almost two years. They have adopted one of their foster daughters and are hoping to adopt a second in January. I was feeling really discouraged about the foster to adopt process that day and meeting them lifted my spirits. I also gained new friends who can give me advice on this journey. God knows who to bring us and when.

Foster care and adoption is an awfully peculiar situation to be put in where is some ways you get to pick your children. It is just such a funny system saying yes and no to children coming to your home and how to decide who to say yes and no to. We have already received a call about a potential set of brothers that may be available for adoption. The potential placement does not fall within our specified age bracket (10 years and under) nor our per-determined number of siblings (two). We have not made a decision yet and we do not have to make a decision yet. I am not sure that we are ready and equipped to provide the type of experienced parenting that these boys will need. I feel guilty for even the fact that we may not accept this placement. I told our case worker that I have mommy guilt and I am not even a mommy yet!

So, today I am pondering what it means to be available to serve God. Does it mean saying yes to every opportunity?  Does saying no mean that I am living in fear? I know that the answers to these questions are not simple. Yet, I also know that if I had listened to common sense and my fear emotions that I would not have answered God's call to provide a home for Sam. I wouldn't have been available for what God wanted for our family. And, I would have missed out on a lot of joy.