Over the course of a three day weekend we fell in love with three boys. We had been thinking about and talking about the boys for almost six weeks when we finally met them. We had a great weekend with them watching movies, playing basketball, playing board games and generally laughing. Over the course of the six weeks of waiting to meet them, I was warming to the idea of adopting them, of giving them a forever home. When I thought about myself, my ideas and my plan I always said no. But, when I thought about the boys and what they needed my heart had to say yes. From our first hours together, I knew that we would say yes to bringing them into our home and family. On the technical side, there are still some legal issues to resolve and we will not be able to petition for adoption until the boys have been in our home for six months. Until then they will technically be foster children in our home.
We have been sharing our news with family and inner circle of friends and have begun the preparations for becoming full time parents to three adolescents. I have started meeting teachers, filling out field trip permission forms and planning chore charts. We have been test driving mini-vans. I have been researching attachment in adoption with older children and praying almost constantly for help. In essence, I am in the adoption nesting phase. We are thrilled, exhausted and anticipating our future with our boys.
The boys were told by their current foster mom and case worker that they will be moving in with us on February 10 and that we will be adopting them. Though they have been told before that they cannot return to their birth parents, they are truly understanding and accepting that fact for the first time now. They are understandably sad. Our boys have (and will continue to have) a relationship with their parents and they love them very much. We were able to meet their mom this week. She is sweet, precious and loves her children so very much. What she wants most for her boys is that they grow up to be productive and happy people. She is giving us the opportunity to help the boys achieve that. I cry every few hours as I ponder the reality of pain, loss and grief in adoption. Our great joy is coming from someone else's great loss. While we are very excited about adopting the boys, as are our friends and families, the boys are not able to express those same emotions yet. I pray that they will come to a place of joy of being in our family. I pray that they are able to see what they are gaining and not only what they are losing.
So, starting next week, I ask that you treat me like the mother of a newborn. (Newborn triplets, maybe!?!?) While my nights won't be sleepless and I won't be trying to schedule feedings, I will be buried in figuring out school schedules, driving to boy scouts, helping with homework and laying the foundation of a new family. If you don't hear from me, it isn't because I don't love you or want you to know what is going on. It is probably because I am exhausted and confused. Please send me texts and emails. I may not respond, but I will be so happy to hear from you.
A new life is waiting for us and we are jumping in with both feet.